The Spin Cycle...

I hate laundry. The entire process is so silly. My house doesn't have the luxury of having a first floor laundry. Instead we lug our laundry from the second floor to the basement. Usually it looks like a circus because of the amount of laundry one tries to gather in her arms as she dangerously tip toes down the steps praying not a drop of dirty clothes drop to the floor.

Then you have to sort. Darks, colors, whites. I am OCD and do Deacon's laundry separate (I'll be darned if his clothes/socks get swallowed in our clothes/socks!) After that you have to use detergent select the cycle and kiss our budget goodbye, because in three months you'll regret the 1 and done philosophy you had on clothes with the exorbitant water bill you receive in the mail. So THEN you think, "hmmm, do I really need to separate laundry" and you do that until a dark red blouse turns a white blouse into a pretty shade of pink. So then you turn to your next idea..."what does 'super plus' mean anyway?!" Super plus means 15 bath towels or 10 pairs of jeans in my definition of the word. However, the Maytag company probably equates 'super plus' to 5 washcloths. Lesson learned once I saw the washing machine dancing the tango across my basement floor.

And then there is the dryer. THE LINT. The process of grabbing soaking wet clothes and throwing them into a dryer, putting a fabric sheet in, ALWAYS removing the lint, turning the dial in agony because 45 minutes later you'll be doing worst thing there is: folding the laundry.

Now let me back up a second because I almost missed the most disgusting part. When the water needs to come out of the machine, where does it go? The sanitary tub. Yes yes...You all are smart, I realize. BUT lots of other junk comes out too--like lint. If you don't have something to catch the junk, the tub clogs,overfills, spills to the floor and backs ups into the washing machine. ewwww. problem is, I had something there...now where did it go. I'll tell you, it slipped off the pipe and sunk to the bottom of the gooey, watery mess and the only way my drain would unclog is if I went in after it. Enough said. I know you've all been there and I will admit my face, my sporadic twitches and high squeal is the most girlie I get over house chores.

So on goes another pair of knee highs, cross my fingers and hope for the best.

There is also the predicament of deciding what to do in the following situation:
mildewy clothes. I hope I am not the only one faced with that horrible task. You know how it goes, the husband throws in a load of laundry (very helpful) but forgets to tell you that he did that (not so helpful) then 3 days later you check the laundry...you open the washer and you are pretty sure mold spores are attacking your lungs. It smells terrible. What does one do? Rewash and back up your laundry another day OR throw it in the dryer and hope for the best.

I like many throw it in the dryer, put an extra dryer sheet in, cross my fingers and wait. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Then you are stuck wearing stinky cloths or doing what you never wanted to do in the first place-re wash them

Fast forward. BRRRRWWAAHHH. that annoying buzzer created by satan to remind me that my effin' clothes are dry. SON OF A BATCH OF COOKIES! I try to ignore the fact that my laundry is done, until I go to get dressed the next day and find that I have no undergarmets---GRRRREEAAAATTT!

So I stomp downstairs, throwing a fit equivalent to my 3-year-old, grab the laundry out of the dryer and bring it upstairs. Most of the time there are 3 other loads of laundry that are either in separate baskets or you smash all the dry cloths together to save a trip. Either way, a person is determined to carry the laundry up in one trip--never a good idea.

It is also during this time that you discover your "dry clean only" and "dry flat" clothes in the dryer--pretty much would have made more sense to just throw money in a garbage can.

The laundry then sits downstairs for a good day or so. I just don't want to do it...you can't make me. Then I finally give in. I fold, and fold, and fold and fold until my hands are numb. The actual process of putting the laundry away isn't bad unless it involves hangers---then I just get down right grumpy.

Notice I never mentioned an iron. I will never iron clothes--ever. I am a lefty which is a good enough excuse for me say i'll never learn to iron things properly. My mom actually laughed at me when she saw that I registered for an iron for my wedding. I've used it once.

Back to folding...There are certain things I just can't tolerate. socks and towels. I loathe folding socks. Ack. The worst part is the end, because you know that there will always be loaners...this frustrates me to no end. Also sifting through the whites you see the socks that were folded together then thrown in the hamper, washed/dried that way and when you put your hands on them they are still wet--so back in the hamper they go. The second thing I can't tolerate are towels. Actually, I love folding towels, but I am the only one who knows how to do it correctly. I think it is a girl thing. My mother taught me, her mother taught her. There is a correct and incorrect way to fold towels...and my husband doesn't get it. God love him, he tries, but to no avail. If the towels aren't folded or rolled right, then they don't fit properly into the closet, which then space in your tiny bathroom closet is lost. Doug saves all the towels for me to fold and I do them gladly.

People who know me know that I am psycho about cleaning, organizing and making sure my house isn't yuck. I did not receive the laundry gene which kind of bothers me--I wish I didn't hate it so much--but I do. Laundry and I will never get along, we'll never understand each other--but I try to tolerate!

OH on the positive, there is ONE good thing about doing laundry--in the winter time when you are FREEZING but hear the dryer buzzer sound, you race downstairs faster than sound and practically hop in the dryer to be surrounded by warm, freshly clean clothes--now that's a good thing in my book!