make believe and remembering your birth

"thomas, where ya goin' thomas? Thomas wait for me, I go to the zoo wit you." I tip toed into the living room so that Deacon would not see me peeking in on his conversation with his Thomas the train. I watched, starred and continued to be mesmerized by the way he was totally submerged in his make believe play. I was amazed at watching him grow in front of me--and I saw such a smart, beautiful little boy.

I saw a boy whose eyes are as bright as the sun and accompanied with eye lashes longer than the train tracks by our house. I was a boy with fast growing hair and and the cutest button nose a day-away-from-being-3-year-old can be. I saw imagination and excitement and love coming from this boys body. It was almost as if I was having an out of body experience.

I forgot for a moment that he was mine--that God gave him to Doug and me--that we have actually raised him for the last three years.

In that moment of wonder I kept flashing back to the day of his birth. The excitement, the nerves, the fear and the many prayers that encircled us with every push, with every tear and finally, with the miracle of his tiny body being put on my chest and the doctor saying, "he's perfect, he's beautiful." I kept thinking about my wonderful husband and the look of total love and support his eyes gave me. I remembered his tears of joy as he said, "He's ours, he's here, I am so in love..." I remembered my parents and Doug's mom in the room hugging them and being so happy that they were there with Doug and me. Most of all, I remember holding Deacon and kissing him over and over thinking how I longed to kiss him and finally meet him. I remember my dad, his smile and his prayer he said after the business of the delivery room faded. I remember celebrating and feeling slightly overwhelmed and wondering "How will I be able to do this?"

Well guess what, fast forward three years...I did it baby boy. Daddy did it. Doug and I never expected to start a family so soon after we got married, but everyday God's plan is revealed to us as to why he blessed us with you so soon. Thank you, Deacon for your zest, your love and you teethy smile. I love you so much it hurts.

I am a mom, I am your mom, and wow I am so happy.