Monday, May 24, 2010
"I love you more"
A very long time ago...14 years almost, my Godson was not a fan of his aunt Anne. He would cry when I'd get near, he'd cry when I'd hold him and almost always he would say he wanted his other Godmother, my twin. As you can sense, I was far from happy. I was 12 at the time, so a kid not wanting to be around me was summing up what I thought failure was. My oldest sister, his mother game some excuses of "he's just tired" or "he is colicky", or "he is hungry", etc. I soon caught on and realized she was trying to save face.
Anyway, I invented a game I knew he'd love to play, because you know how boys are...they try and one up each other on a daily basis. The game was simple, "I love you more." and the other would say, "No I LOVE YOU MORE." so on and so forth. So I had this false sense of comfort knowing that my sweet little Godson would say he loved me, when in all truth, he probably didn't know he even had the capacity to love.
I did realize that there are those who love us more than we love them, parents. I'd every so often play that game with my Mom and I'd actually yell saying, "Mom, you really don't understand--I love you more, way more than you'll ever love me." And my mom, my sweet, beautiful most patient mother just chuckled, grasped me tight and said, "Think what you will my Annie-girl but when you have a child of your own, you will understand that there is no amount of love a child can have for their parent that would outweigh the love that parent has for their child."
Fast forward 3 years, three beautiful years. Rocking my son and reading his book, we get into the back and forth of the "I love you more" tradition that was started by yours truly 14 years ago. Deacon and I rant back and forth of who loves who more. And it hit me...my mother was right. I know Deacon is beginning to understand love and what he receives from Doug and me and the love he gives to us, and I'm telling ya--I totally win this game. I am for certain that I love him more than he loves me and I am ok with this. I mean, isn't that is how it is supposed to be anyway? We torture ourselves to keep our kids safe, happy and healthy. My life is Deacon--my world, my sheer existence revolves around him, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Parents love their children more---plain and simple. It is our job--the best job I will ever have was becoming a parent--through the 9 months of carrying Deacon, to nursing and late night feedings, projectile spit-up and hissy fits, from the coos and the goos to the snuggles and the hugs--I do have the best job in the world--Deacon makes life perfection.