30 in 30: Nick Scully

This is my twenty-third article in y 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.


I learned very early on that friendship should not be hinged on the age of a person. If age factored into to friendship, this post would fail to exist. I met Nick Scully when I was 10 years old. Nick was the neighbor of my sister Jennifer, and while I don't know all of the details (I was just a young pup at the time), I am so grateful for how their friendship developed, because Nick just became apart of the family and one of our closed friends.

Theresa and I were going to go to the swim club with our sister Kathy, but when the rain foiled our plans, she asked us if we were up for an adventure.

Little I know that this adventure would continue, even today.

High school graduation, 2002

We got to Jennifer's house and instead of going into her apartment, we walked into Nick's home and saw Nick, just sitting there in his dining room watching the cars zoom up the highway. Kathy introduced us to Nick and he offered us a seat around the table.

The table was as comfortable as a bed because there had to have been approximately 3,425 vinyl table clothes stapled to the table. The theory behind this was that the table cloth kept the table new looking, but also when you get tired of one, you just throw a new one on there. Ingenious.

Kathy grabbed a few coloring books and we just sat, colored and talked with Nick. It seemed so simple.

That one meeting turned into several, which turned into dinner, which turned into weekly visits with our buddy, Nick. By the time Theresa and I were old enough to drive, we found ourselves driving down to see Nick on our own. Not only did he have an endless supply of root beer, star burst and caramel creams a girl could ask for, but the stories he would share from his military days were priceless.

More than anything though, being with Nick was peaceful. There could be visits where only a few words were spoken and the rest of the time we would just sit there, in the dining room listening to the police scanner or classical music. This is one of the most valuable lessons I learned in my life: just being present. All I had to do was show up. That's it. That's all we needed from each other, was for us to be together. We didn't have to impress one another with words, we just had to be present. When I catch myself talking through the silence, I just stop and shut up and I let the heart do the talking.

Nick was a grumpy old man. Who could blame him? he suffered from ridiculous migraines and to put it his terms, he would pop percocets like jelly beans and it would do absolutely nothing for his headaches. Even with the chronic headaches, Nick still approached every day with a smile, and a sarcastic quip. This taught me to push through. Life gives us cruddy days and we just have to push through.

Nick was a tremendous human being and one of my greatest and dearest friends. It's hard to believe he will be gone three years in July. He lived a very long and fulfilled life, but that doesn't make my miss him any less. I sometimes sit in complete silence and I just listen for his voice to rush through me with his classic one-liners like, "Give her a go, Yank." or "Catch you on the flip-flop." I smile when I pass the cheese whiz in the grocery store, and remember the warning he gave EVERY TIME that there would be dried nasty cheese in the tube and to just put it on a napkin. Pink Starburst and caramel creams just don't taste the same without him around.

His influence continues to live on in me through my humor and also in the love I give to my family and friends. And if I feel like I am failing in life, all I have to remember is to just show up, have a seat around the table and say hello. Everything else beyond that will fall into place.
 

30 in 30: Therapy

This is my twenty-second article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I am thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.


Therapy is important. There, I said it.

I could not function without therapy.

I never used to think that I "needed" a therapist and that therapy was reserved for people who were way more crazy than I could every dream of being. I didn't think I was ever going to be what Bill Murray was in What About Bob? So I felt like I would just power through.

What a silly girl I was.

At 28, I was exhausted. Years of anxiety was catching up to me and I found myself more aware of my irritability. I knew it was time to do something about it when my husband looked at me and said, "I just want my Annie back. I just want you happy."

All my family wanted was for me to be happy. I was so lost, that I forgot what happy was and I was simply operating on auto pilot. Doug saw through the bullshit and he was my biggest supporter when I finally took a step to find help.

I sat down in that chair across from my therapist and I told her I was so scared that I didn't know if I was fixable.

She laughed her butt off.

Almost two years later, I can tell you that I am very fixable and I am kicking myself for not going sooner.

It was like I was talking with a friend, that just so happened to be a licensed social worker. ;)

The things I have learned through therapy is nothing earth-shattering, rather very simple tools I can use for the everyday. Generalized anxiety is a bitch because anything, absolutely anything can set a person off into a tailspin of worry and it is really hard to express what you are feeling in that moment.

The coping mechanisms I have gained by seeing my therapist has allowed me to live an almost completely normal life-I will ALWAYS be Anne, so life will never be totally normal ;)

I am a better mother, wife, friend, colleague and person because of therapy. It's easier to express what I am needing to Doug so that he can be an active participant in helping me cope instead of having to helplessly watch me suffer through it.

I recognize that I am also very lucky that I was able to find a therapist that jives well with me-she has been such an important instrument in my life. The best thing she ever said to me was, "The goal here is for me to not see you." We've reached that goal and I only see her for monthly check-ins.

I have learned that I am not weak for seeing a therapist, but instead, I am strong. I am strong for knowing when it was time for help!

30 in 30: Lynn

This is my twenty-first article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I am thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.


I was on my Senior Christian Awakening Retreat when it dawned on my that God puts people in your life for a reason. I guess I knew this all along, but what better way to be on an awakening retreat, than to be awakened to revelations that have been ignored most of my young life?

On one of the days, we all had the ability to go receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It was one of the most beautiful and redeeming moments in my life! As I was shuffling back into the main room and curled up next to a friend of mine and said, "I just cried me a river."

Everyone giggled and agreed that it was a very tear-filled moment for the majority of us and we moved on. Later that night, I was busy reading my retreat letters and when I got down to the last of the letters, I picked up a folded piece of yellow paper. It was a letter from my English teacher. I had always admired her for her ability to connect with us and help us discover our potential, so to get a letter from her was an honor! I flipped open the letter and what I read has not left my heart since.

In the letter she said she heard me joke about crying a river, and like any amazing English teacher would, she used that to help me take a peek inside a part of my life I was scared to share.

"This will probably be the reality of your life. Rivers are deep, every-changing, mysterious, profound and capable of many floods worth of tears. I hope you can believe this weekend that you are truly blessed with such depth...It is your grace, your gift, your unique soul."

I have always been a hopeless wanderer in my mind and always was on the search to find deeper meaning in the everyday. This can be a very scary thing to share about yourself, especially when you are teenager. Teenagers are supposed to be worried about weekend plans, not the greater good of life.

For the first time in my life, I felt like someone finally "got it" and she was able to see the real me. I am thankful for that day because Lynn reminded me that I am a gift and that my depth is a gift.

Blessed doesn't begin to describe what I feel about that letter, as well as the friendship that she and I have forged together. In the past 12 years, I have received so many life lessons from that woman. She reminds me to live a life of simplicity, charity, service, compassion, to never give up on my creativity and to love generously. We get lost in conversations and I often leave our outings exhausted because every conversation we have is stitched together with purpose and care.

Friendship is about lifting the other person up and helping them shine from the inside out, as well as accepting who they are as a person. Lynn is that for me and I can only pray that I am half of the friend she is to me.

30 in 30: My first camera

This is the twentieth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.


I believe it was my 12th birthday when I received one of the most epic birthday presents ever. My brother and sister-in-law gave Theresa and me our very own camera. It wasn't a crud camera either! It was a slate grey Fujifilm camera with a flash that I could set all by myself. I was in heaven. One of the first times I used the camera was at the Cincinnati Zoo and I remember taking pictures of the Gibbons and just for a brief moment I felt like I was a Photographer for National Geographic.

That birthday gift revealed a talent and passion I never knew I had. I instantly fell in love with photography and that I was able to capture emotion and tell a story through my own photos. It was then I also promised myself that photography would ALWAYS be apart of my life.

I was fortunate enough to work for a local studio as a photo assistant and I was responsible for managing the "shot list", loading the camera backs with film (yes, film) and running lenses to the photographer. It was at this job that I learned more of the technical side of photography and after a few weddings I could already guess what lens the photographer would need for the next set of shots! It was a grueling job, but it was a fun job! Not only was I learning the trade, but I was also allowed to be such a very small part in a couple's very big day! I learned in the job that each photographer has their own style and way of setting up a shot and there is way more to capturing an image than just pointing and shooting. I am grateful to all of the photographers I worked with and all the little tips and tricks they shared with me because it only deepened my passion for it!

Photography was such a serious part of my life that I enrolled into the photojournalism program at Western Kentucky University. I was thrilled to be studying in one of the top PJ programs in the country and I was excited to learn the skills needed to be a successful photographer! However, a little point-and-shoot camera wasn't going to cut it, I was going to have to commit to a larger camera. The camera I purchased was a used Nikon FM2 and it came with four fixed lenses. It was an all manual camera, so there was no auto focus and I had to correctly expose all of my shots instead of relying on auto mode.

When the teacher walked around to look at everyone's camera, he took one look at mine and said, "This is some beautiful glass, but you are going to be very busy!"

Of course, I was going to be busy...kicking ass!

And that I did.

It is tradition for first year PJ students to photograph an egg on their first assignment. I remember gathering up my new found friends and went gallivanting all over the campus trying to find unique spots to photograph an egg.

Once I developed my film I ventured into the darkroom to print my selected photo.

*tangent* I feel very sad for photographers who got their start with digital camera because they will never know the magic that happens inside the dark room.

I ran my photo under the chemicals, rinsed it and brought it to a lab tech to see what adjustments I needed to make. One of the tech's said, "I wouldn't do a damn thing." So I mounted the print, crossed my fingers and headed to class.

After each assignment, every student would put their work on the front board and the teacher would choose three people to pick their favorite photo. Then, they would talk about why they chose it. My egg photo wasn't chosen and I was devastated. My classmates talked about the three they chose and the teacher talked about whether he agreed or disagreed with them. He then grabbed my photo and said that he would have picked it.

I was shocked.

It was one of the first times in my life where my work was noticed and it gave me a great sense of pride knowing that my passion for photography could be more than just a hobby, but a career. I knew I had a lot more to learn, but it was that day that gave me the confidence in my art and that moment is something I cling to when I get down on myself.

While my Photojournalism career aspirations were put aside when I transferred home, the lessons I learned my first year and with my camera will stay with me forever.

The gift of telling stories through pictures is one I do not take lightly, and it is a blessing to be able to capture memories for my family and friends. I may never use my first camera again, but I will also never part with it because it serves a constant reminder of what I have learned and how far I have come. Plus I hold onto hope that just like the bad 80s fashion is back in style now, that film photography will be in style again in the next 20 years ;)

30 in 30: Toastmasters

This is the nineteenth post in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I’m thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

This topic never even crossed my mind as something I’d write for my 30 in 30 challenge until yesterday. I am a member of Toastmasters International, specifically with the Northern Kentucky chapter. I joined the club last year as an attempt to brush up on my public speaking skills and I have been a part of the club ever since.

What I am most thankful for is that our group is made up of diverse speakers and we are all together in one room. One member has had the opportunity to speak across the United States as well as abroad and we also have members who have paralyzing stage fright.

It hit me yesterday how proud I am to be a part of the group when a member stated so eloquently that we are in a safe place. As a public speaker, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable spot and you open yourself up to some nasty criticism. This is likely the reason why people avoid it all together. At Toastmasters, we come together to support and encourage. There is never any harshness or embarrassment. It really is a beautiful and uplifting place to be.

It’s awesome to see your fellow Toastmasters conquer something they've been striving for and knowing that you have a support system that’s sole purpose is to help you improve your craft. I didn’t expect to learn anything new when joining the group, but after a year, the amount of experience and knowledge gained is invaluable.

Toastmasters International has helped me unlock my passion for public speaking, and as a result, I am beginning to reach farther and dig deeper into my passion so I can improve even more. Being able to speak beyond work presentations and other small events is no longer a dream; it’s a goal I know I can someday achieve!

   

30 in 30: The Wolking Family

This is the eighteenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write about 30 things I’m thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

I have never been able to understand the negative connotation of “in-law” because it just doesn’t exist for me. As a matter of fact, that even extends past Doug’s immediate family, too!

Maybe this was the result of good planning on and Doug’s and my part. When we began dating, we realized that we were a package deal and we knew that when we were going to be married, that it would go beyond “husband and wife.”

It’s hard for me to imagine not having a strong relationship with Doug’s family and I have never once felt like I didn’t belong. They could have treated me as an “in-law,” but instead I am just as important of part of their family as those who are connected by their lineage.

My mother-in-law is one of the kindest people on Earth and I look forward to spending time with her. My favorite memory was the time we got snowed in at her house. We drank wine, cooked meals together and watched a heck of a lot of TV. Never once was there awkwardness – we just did what families do, we enjoyed the togetherness! When I seek advice there are two people I call first, my mom and my mother-in-law. I know that isn’t the norm, so I count my blessings that I have such a strong bond and close relationship with my mother-in-law.

I have also developed a special connection between each of Doug’s siblings and their spouses and in my heart they are my siblings with no descriptor attached. We share sarcasm, advice, humor, tears, playful banter, as well as meaningful conversations! I cherish each one of them for what they bring to the family and I so grateful that they have accepted me as their own!

Doug’s nieces and nephews are also a big part of my life too. I have watched the oldest grow into a beautiful young adult who can light up a room with her smile and turn anyone’s bad day around with her wonderful laugh. I have seen her brother, my nephew; become a confident and strong boy, who has a soft and tender heart, especially for his momma. He’ll never admit that, but it gives me hope that when my boys become his age they’ll still snuggle up one me the way he does with her! My youngest niece, who happens to be my Goddaughter is only a few months older than Cohen, so watching them grow and develop together has been so incredibly special. I am so proud to be her Godmother!

If that wasn’t enough, Doug’s extended family is also MY family, too! I cherish all of my “cousin-friends”, especially the girls nights J. Every family gathering I have to go down a buffet line of family members to hug, that will make a girl feel really special!

The biggest lesson I have learned is that family is not about who you are related to, but the connections you have with people. I may not have been born into that family, but I am very much a part of it. They give of themselves to lift me up and I give of myself right back to them. They are such an important facet in my life and I am so thankful for their love and friendship!

30 in 30: My sweet boys

This is the seventeenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I’m thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

One of the greatest moments in my life was when I became a mother.

Doug and I agreed that we wanted to wait a few years before having kids. The biggest reason was that I wanted to finish school and begin my career before bringing babies into the world. We also wanted to be out of our apartment and into a home.

God had different plans (As he ALWAYS does).

Doug and I had only been married for two months when the two lines on the First Response test sealed our fate. Ready or not, we were parents. So needless to say, the day I found out I was pregnant with Deacon, we sorted through a bag of mixed emotions. I think we both were just wondering if we were really ready to be parents.

At 10 weeks, we had an ultrasound and any fear and doubt we both had about raising a child vanished. Looking at the monitor and seeing that tiny life swirling around inside my body was unlike anything I have ever felt before. The emotion I experienced I never knew existed. Doug locked eyes with me and we both knew we were going to be just fine.

I felt so confident, strong and beautiful when I was pregnant with both my boys, I am convinced it was because it was their beauty shining through.

The day I became a mother was the greatest day in my life. I was lucky enough to experience that type of love twice. With both of my deliveries, the love that filled the room was undeniable and everlasting. The sheer intensity of the love I have for my children could really knock me off my feet.

Deacon and Cohen are the reasons why I am a mother and I am so grateful to them for that. I am blessed that God chose those two boys to have my heart forever. I am so honored that I get to parent with Doug. When I announced my second pregnancy, people actually asked me if I was hoping for a girl. When I told them I was having a boy, some people, I’m sure, wanted to send me sympathy cards. Their next question was, “So, do you think you’ll ever try for a girl.” My response was, “No, we only try for babies.” There is a reason why I have two boys and if Doug and I decide to have a third, I will be just as excited for the pregnancy regardless of the sex of the baby.

It’s hard to feel disappointed in what you are having, when you just see a baby for what it is, life-- a cherished, special, beautiful human that needs to be loved unconditionally.

I am thankful to my children because it is through them that I am learning that not only do my kids need me, but I need them just as much. I may be their mother: a boo-boo kiser, a hugger, a singer, a peek-a-boo-I-see-youer, a personal chef, a let’s build blocks and knock them down doer, and sometimes a tough love giver, but what I receive in return is so much more. They have made me a better person. Their belly laughs melt away the sometimes harsh realities of life. When they snuggle up with me, it’s a reminder I am needed. The notes Deacon leaves on the kitchen table show me that I am valued. The way Cohen twirls my hair around his finger before bedtime shows me that I provide comfort and security. The way they say prayers reminds me that God really is the reason for our existence. The kindness they share to others is proof that Doug and I are doing the best we can.

Deacon is a sensitive and compassionate soul. He has taught me give more and love harder. He has also taught me to love who you are and to be confident in that. He also reminds me through his actions to stand up for what is right. An example of this is when a mother told her son that the dance area at the local play center was for girls only, Deacon turned and said, "It can be for boys too!" He has also taught me to get lost in imagination. Whether it's playing legos or building a castle out of blankets, or pretending he is a knight his imagination is infectious.

Cohen is a young soul. He has taught me to find the humor in all of life's situations and to not take life too seriously. His laugh will take your breath away! He has taught me that even if you go-go-go-go all day long, it's still important to slow down and snuggle. He has shown me that I can love all my children the same--your heart expands to fit the love of all your children! He also teaches me to see the wonder in everything. He is a discoverer. It could be a rock he picks up on the side of the road, and to him it is the most amazing thing he has ever seen! 

I am thankful that I was given an unstoppable love for my kids. There really is nothing they can do that will take my love away from them and that’s a love I will protect with all my heart.

To my sweet boys: I know we joke around and play the “I love you more” game, I want to let you in on a little secret: I will always win. I know you won’t understand that now, but you will, someday. The love I have for you both is a love that hurts so good, the thought of how God knew our family was meant to be a family causes me to tear up. I lose sleep, I cry at the hard decisions, I feel weightless with joy when I see you thrive and feel heartache when you suffer. It’s pure and raw love and I do hope that you feel that love from your dad and me every day. I hope I can pass this love on so that you may always carry it in your heart and let it weave into your soul so that you may give that love to others. I thank you for allowing me to experience this love and to be your mother—it’s the greatest gift I have ever received. 

30 in 30: Coworkers

This is the thirteenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

I think I might actually let the pictures do most of the talking for this post!

I began my "big girl job" straight out of college. I always joke that they felt bad for me because I was a broke kid, who just graduated, got married and quickly became pregnant, so they hired me out of sympathy.

Okay, so that might now have been entirely true, but it sure does generate a few laughs.

I am so thankful for my co-workers and for the many laughs we've shared. They make going to work worth it. Let's face it, working in a public utility can be pretty crappy (wastewater pun totally intended) so it's nice to be surrounded by people who can plunge into work with you. Again, pun intended ;)

Since I began working there at the tender age of 22, It is safe to say that I have basically grown up there. For every amazing thing I accomplished at work, there is a stupid thing I've done too--it's all apart of growing into your career, I guess! It was there I learned that I loved training, and organizational communication. I also honed in on my love of internal communication and have really found my niche.

But besides the work, my co-workers have really helped me grow into the career person I am today. I work with a group in insanely talented women, and we all play off our strengths incredibly well. I seek guidance on project management from the ones who have spreadsheet brains, while the others know that if they need a good brain stormer, all they have to do is call me into a meeting and I start spitting out ideas at a rapid fire pace. We also face our challenges or disagreements on how things should be handled. We also have differences in a opinion. I suppose this is found in every workplace. The difference with the group I work with is that we know that discomfort is necessary in order to improve and become better.

I am grateful for the opportunities I have received while working at SD1 and continue to cherish the career I am building namely because of the people who are helping me build it. It's hard to even call them coworkers since they become more like family with each passing day.

This is totally normal, right?! Halloween 2013

We celebrate weddings together

Our friend was gifted a horse, so it's only natural to celebrate with cake!

Happy hour is best when served with cold beer and great co-workers!

Who spends their Saturday night with their colleagues?! This girl does!

Just another night on the town!

Work hard, play hard!

Only your cherished co-workers will take your pictures as your pregnant self pretends to dive into a creek.

HR challenged each department to decorate for the holidays. I'll give you one guess who won.
(For the record: this was done on our breaks!!!)

We are so awesome, we are even artwork! Photo credit: Becky Haltermon

They show you how wastewater can be photogenic :)

They photobomb

They volunteer together

They dress alike on accident!

They always remind you how important you are

They choose not to be sad about having to say goodbye.

They craft together for their holiday party

This might be the most important thing I'm thankful for: coworkers teach you that
heating pads will save your life in a FREEZING office

30 in 30: Priests

This is the twelfth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

Growing up Catholic and going through 12 years of catholic school, I guess it's to expected that priests would make the 30 in 30 list. However, For so long, I felt like I could not relate to their life's work. If I was able to tell my teenage self that my almost-thirty-year-old-self would even write this post, I would get laughed at! But as I have grown older, I have begun to realize that I truly have a deep appreciation for the men who make such a commitment to live their life strictly for God. And even though I may feel that they might be holier than me, the truth is that they are human, just like the rest of me and you! I have also realized that they really are woven into the fabric of my life, and it would be silly of me to forget or not even recognize the impact they have had on my up bringing.

One thing I am thankful for is that the priests I know are incredible instruments of faith and goodness. It is through their devotion to God and following in the footsteps of Christ, I saw how they hold important roles in how our faith is built. I was baptized by them, I receive the Eucharist from them and they hear the depths of my sorrows through the sacrament of reconciliation--they are indeed, a major part of who I am as a person!

While I am grateful for all of the priests that have helped shape my faith over the years, there are a few I'd like to specifically call attention to. When I was nine or so, I shot out of bed screaming in fear. I had the overwhelming feelings of death. A nine year old certainly does not know how to cope with that and the only thing I knew to do was call for my parents. My mom tried her best to calm me, but I am sure she felt helpless watching me pace the kitchen rambling off my fears of eternity and dying. My mom was a little unsure of what to do, so she did the only thing she knew and called our parish priest. Maybe this is funny for some of you reading, but this is just they way our family operated. We knew that if we were in trouble, the best thing was to call for a spiritual bail out from the priest! Anyway, Fr. Murphy came to my aid when I was dealing with my intense fears of death. He came into my home and we sat down on the fancy furniture. My mom held my hand and this man who I only knew from standing at the pulpit every Sunday sat across from me, and got on my level. He just simply asked me to explain what I was feeling. He told me that eternity is like counting the drops in the ocean; it’s unmeasurable, but we know that there is an ocean, even though we can’t count the drops. This is just like eternity and heaven; even though we can’t see it or measure it, we know it is there because of our faith. He took a very scary thing in my life and turned it into something that I could handle. It was also lucky that I think in metaphors, so this explanation struck me in a very special way. :)

In my adult life, I have come to appreciate the priesthood because of Fr. Sterling of St. Barbara Parish. The parish has always been on fire with faith, but he has taken that momentum to help continue to build up a church full of love, community and selfless giving. Each his homilies challenge me to be a better Christian every day. The best challenge he gave all of us was when he took the time to explain the different parts of the Mass. As a result, the homily was condensed, but that didn't stop him from making a powerful statement at the end of Mass. He said that it is so sad to hear the excuse of why people stop attending church or leave the faith altogether. I think all Catholics have said it, heck--maybe anyone who practices a faith may have said the similar phrase of, "I just don't get anything out of it." He then said that he knows it's hard to concentrate on church, especially when there are so many formalities but the thing that struck me most was when he said, "Maybe you are thinking about it all wrong. Instead of waiting to get something out of it, you should be putting something in to it." He continued to say that if you just give a bit of yourself to the Mass, that you would indeed feel spiritually fulfilled. He was absolutely right. That lit a fire in my heart to begin to search and deepen my faith and to be an active participant. Just as if I want to lost five pounds, I can't just sit and wait for it to fall off my body..I have to exercise and eat better. My faith is the same way...I can't just wait for it to fill me, I have to go in search of it. That might have been one of the most important things I have heard in my life and it absolutely changed my outlook on many different things!

Go ahead, sing the Circle of Life from The Lion King. It's okay, we all did!

Fr. Sterling baptizing Cohen

I am also thankful for Fr. Wigger, because he was the priest who married Doug and me. Before we got married, we had several sit down conversations with him. This is a requirement in order to be married in the Church. I first thought it was ridiculous..what does a priest know about marriage, anyway. After a few sessions with him, I realized that he really did know what he was talking about! :) He might not ever have the opportunity to get married, but he did know that to have anything remain strong, God needed to be apart of that. 

So, on the day of our wedding, Fr. Wigger presented Doug and me with a candle that burned three flames. He explained that two of the flames represented Doug and me and the third represented God. He told us that if we kept God in our marriage, it would last forever - the flame would never die.That candle gets lit every year at our anniversary to serve as a beautiful reminder to what Fr. Wigger knew all along - that God is very much apart of our relationship and a big reason why we can get through the "for worse" part of our vows.

It would be silly of me to forget the beauty and dedication of Fr. Sterling, Fr Murphy, Fr. Wigger and other priests who helped build my faith. I am the person I am today because of the guidance they gave as I was a child, the support they shared when beginning new phases in life and the encouragement to continue to learn and discover my faith in my adult life.  

30 in 30: Coaches

This is the eleventh article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 articles in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.


Coaches go hand-in-hand with teachers when I think about people, outside of my family, who have had an important impact on my life. Throughout my life, I have participated in several sports, and each one there are a few coaches that really helped me to develop not only into the athlete I was, but the person I was too.

My brother JP was a big time soccer player when I was younger and so I would often kick the ball around with him when I was just a little tot. As I grew up, I continued to love the sport and my parents asked if I wanted to play.

Aside from the fact that I knew my brother loved the game, I knew NOTHING about the sport, but I was excited to play anyway! I couldn't have been older than seven or eight when my tiny little body got piled up with armor and I struggled to get down to the soccer field because the gear was weighing me down!

I don't remember a single thing from the first practices, but I do remember my very first game. We lost. Oh my gosh, we got crushed. I was so upset and embarrassed, that the thought of me even slapping awkward high fives with the opposing team made me feel nauseous. (yes, yes, as an eight year old!)

Good game, good game, good game, good game was the customary way of ending a soccer match. This was to teach good sportsmanship, but I didn't feel like a good sport on the inside! After I congratulated all the players the coaches were at the end to say "good game, too." Next thing I know, the coach on the opposing team practically lifted me up and said, "This little fire cracker, you never wanted to stop." The other coach, in an odd way, basically complimented me (I think that was a compliment).

That day I got a confidence about the game that I don't think I would have got if that woman didn't say what she did. I learned that it didn't matter about winning or losing..it was how we played and if we had fun. If we had heart in the game, then that's the victory.

I carried my fire cracker spirit within into my youth and two coaches in particular really fostered that and helped me use it to my advantage.

Coach Oberjohn and Coach Scheper were idyllic coaches. Assertive and tough, but also gentle and kind. They NEVER tore us down and always lifted us up with encouragement. Coach Scheper gave me the nickname, "peanut" because I was one of the smallest kids on the team, but I had spunk. When you get a nickname, you feel like you belong. I totally belonged on that team. We all did. We all worked together and played really well. I don't remember there being a single "star" because the two coaches to make sure that we were all stars. I know that might carry a negative connotation because of the "trophy generation" but that's not what I mean.

The two had an incredible way of honing in on everyone's strengths and also gave us equal playing time. For example, it was pretty clear that I would NEVER have a powerful shot. I just didn't, but I did have speed. I also could cross the ball like a maniac so my main job was to carry the ball down the field and cross it to the striker. It didn't matter if I scored zero goals or 25 goals, my place on the team matter--we all mattered.

It's hard to find coaches like that. I was lucky enough that I got two of the best.

I learned hard work, perseverance and also to accept losing gracefully. I am so thankful for that!

Coach Oberjohn and Coach Scheper: I'm not sure you will ever know the influence you had in my life. I am so grateful for the time you gave to the sport and to our team. I am thankful for your fairness and for instilling in us the importance of showing up, working hard and never giving up. Those lessons have stayed with me on and off the pitch and you are to thank for that.


Another sport I fell in love with was Cross Country. I began running for the NDA Cross Country middle school team and I wasn't sure what to expect when I began. I had absolutely no clue that this solitary activity was a sport. I learned quickly, that even though you run for your own best time, you have to also run strategically as a group in order to gain the most points in a meet. The middle school girls ran with the highschoolers. Holy intimidating! The JV and Varsity girls were awesome and never made us feel "small" or less than. They would always encourage us to push a little more. Running in a group, every few strides you would hear, "keep it up." or "great work, ladies." We chanted positivity with every run and it showed in our meets.

It was also during my time running for NDA that I came across another set of amazing coaches that also taught me more than the sport, but also about life. Bob and Hans ran the highschool team, helped with the middle school team and Julie coached the middle school team.

Hans taught me how to be tough-minded and to focus on the task; Bob taught me about bravery and courage and Julie taught me spirit and strength. When we had tough practices, or had to do hill sprints one million times, Hans was there helping us get out of our mental block. We powered through and we conquered. It was an amazing feeling to go into something feeling so overwhelmed, but coming out of it with such heart. I believed I could do anything I put my mind to because I had Hans constantly in my ear telling me to keep going!

The meets were always so much fun! It almost felt like a party instead of a race! During our meet, all the coaches would meet us and different points of the course to cheer us on and help us plan our next move. They would give us an idea of where we stood, how far we had and if we should pick up the pace. It was exhilarating! I remember one race was particularly hard. Actually, it was a bitch. Bob knew I was struggling and made sure to follow me a little more closely. He kept telling me, "Annie, you have this, I know you do. Push a little more." As I came out of a rocky trail portion of the course I felt my body begin to shut down. My legs began to stiffen and I knew that my ability to finish the race was vanishing from me. I saw Bob and I just dropped in front of him on the course. I physically couldn't move. This is where he taught me bravery. It's funny that it was not bravery to push harder past the point of your capability, but bravery to know when to stop. I'm not sure if he knows how important that moment was for me. I was DQ'd from the race and as we were leaving the spot where I fell, I looked at him and said I just felt like I wanted to finish. This is where I learned courage. He told me I should finish if I felt like I could. I had to put my frustrations behind me and set out to finish what I began. I felt an overwhelming sense of pride when I crossed that line-maybe a little more so than what I would have felt if I finished it the "right way" I had the support and encouragement of a coach who always believed in me--what an amazing feeling to have.

The final two things I learned during my cross country days was through one of the most kind people on the planet, Julie. I think she might have taught me the two most important lessons, spirit and strength. To be a successful runner, I think you have to embody the spirit of running. You have to tune out the world around you and tune into yourself and channel that energy into your stride. I learned early on that if my physical body ached, that I needed to work on my spiritual body. I don't even know if she remembers this, but she told us that if we needed to regulate our breathing that we should say a Hail Mary. It worked like a charm, every dang time. I learned that I was capable, able and strong enough to run any distance because of Julie. She also taught me strength. I retract, you can't teach someone how to be strong, but you can teach them to recognize their own strength. The best moment ever was when we were all stretching before our practice. I was pointing my foot up and my hands reached to touch my shoes. As I did this, my leg flexed and I saw this really weird and creepy looking bump on my leg. I freaked out. Julie came to see why I was near panic and I showed her this mysterious bump. She let out a patented Julie laugh and said, "Oh, honey, that's a muscle! You want that to be there!" After every practice, Julie always told us how proud she was of us and that she saw how much we were improving. As a result, I began to see those improvements too, and I also learned to celebrate them.

Bob, Hans and Julie - thank you for fostering my love of running. I may not run competitively anymore, but I do make time to run when I can! And with each stride, I say "thank you" because you have made all the difference in my confidence, my will, heart and strength. Every run begins with a prayer and ends with a blessing. When I have a hard time climbing a hill, I think of Hans. When I want to give up and stop, I think of Bob and when I channel my runner's spirit, I think of Julie.

Coaches are necessary and important to the lives they touch. Like I said earlier--coaching is more than teaching a sport, it's teaching life skills to develop kids into successful, kind and tough adults. To all coaches--Thank you!

30 in 30: Teachers

This this the tenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

"The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows." 

--Sydney J. Harris

What I am most touched by is that the teachers in my life taught me more than the subjects they were required to teach, it was much more than that. Somewhere between learning about the lowest common denominator and the Proxemic Theory, I learned how to be a good human. From the moment I began Kindergarten, to the moment I graduated from college, there were teachers guiding me through my educational path and turned my mirrors into windows. 

The teachers I have encountered challenged me to be my best, encouraged me to do my best and loved me even when I wasn't the best. They taught me to reach for things I want, and if I want it bad enough, there is no obstacle that can stop me. Teachers taught me how to be accountable and responsible for my actions. They taught me to always quench my thirst for knowledge and to learn from my mistakes.

A great example off this is when my fourth grade math teacher sat me down one day after school and showed me a test I took. She began to tell me that I got some of the hardest questions correct and that she was so proud of me. Then, she pointed to some of the problems I answered incorrectly and said that those were the easiest math problems to answer. She then began to tell me that she knows I KNOW the answers, is that I rushed through the problems, or I didn't stop and review. Now why on Earth to I remember that conversation? Because to this day, I forget to stop, think and process. My brain is "against the clock" at all times and my mistakes happen at the silliest of moments. When I get i a rut, I just think back to that conversation and remember to slow.down.a.bit.

Teachers empower. Fourth grade was a big year I guess because a bulk of my educational memory lies there! Anyway, my homeroom and social studies teacher told us on the first day of class that fourth grade was going to suck (without saying that word, of course!) She looked right at us and told us that she knew we could all succeed, and that we were going to learn and do things we didn't think we were capable of. Every test, homework assignment or class discussion ended with her telling us, through a variety ways, how important we were. She was absolutely correct in that fourth grade was H.A.R.D. Many tears were shed that year, but I came out on the other end a better student.

Teachers call you out. Oh yes, they do. There is a laundry list of things I could talk about here but that would take all day! So I'll go over the important ones. I had to rewrite a paper on the last day of school when I was in sixth grade because my english teacher didn't think it was authentically mine (my older sister, might have helped a bit too much.) I cried and protested, but at the end of it all, I sat in the hall and wrote that dang paper over again. In high school I got a violation because I turned my paper in late. I told her I was sick which is why I missed the deadline. She said that it was pretty convenient to be sick the day my research paper was due. As much as I hated being called out for my silly shenanigans, I am so thankful. I first learned that teachers what to know what YOU, their unique student thinks, not anyone else. It also taught me to be open and upfront. If I was really struggling to finish my research paper, I should have talked with my teacher about it. Sure I would have lost points for being late, but it's a heck of a lot better than running away from a deadline. Those teachers might have be the hardest on me, but as I result and I more grateful for them! It's through the hard lessons that I came out a stronger, better student.

In college I had teachers encourage, challenge, cultivate a love of learning and help me find my life's passion. I carry many memories of my college years with me that I will cherish for a lifetime. It was the little learning moments that carried the biggest punch. Did my professor who wrote "Four words: apply to grad school" on my final college paper realize that it would continue to be a source of encouragement eight years later? What about my argumentation professor. Did he know that challenging me to think beyond my frame of reference and to be open to other viewpoints in order to successfully complete a debate, would help me beyond the classroom. I may not be on a debate team, but even today, I know to look at all angles of an argument (or heck, even a casual conversation) before I draw conclusions. There are are the knock-you-off-your-feet statements said in class like,"Words are symbols that are arbitrarily assigned meaning."  That had me wanting to learn more. My love for public speaking was uncovered and refined while at NKU. I would never have pursued Toastmasters if it weren't for my Advanced Public Speaking professor!

I'm not sure there are any words that can adequately describe my gratitude for the teachers who made such a beautiful imprint on my life. "Thanks" just doesn't seem to fill the void, and it doesn't accurately show my appreciation for the work they put in day in and day out. Without their dedication to their vocation, it is without a doubt in my mind that I would not be where I am today. I may not be able to communicate my thanks, but I do hope that I can show what I learned through actions in my daily life.