Friday, September 10, 2010

battered and torn

I feel old. Not in an apocolypic, "oh my gosh I am so old I'm almost dead" old. My age indicates that I am young. A 26 year old should never feel old. period. But I do. I am not saying that my age is making me feel old, rather, my body.

I played 3 hours of soccer last night and I have another game this evening. I'm tired just thinking about it. This morning my body told me how unhappy it was that I destroyed it while playing soccer. My hip hurts, my IT band hurts. My shoulders feel non-existent and my back, I am almost for certain, is crafting a death note written specifically for me. Folks, I fell more times last night than I could count. I went head to head with big, tall, strong boys and hung with them to try and beat them to the ball. I was fouled and got slammed into a goalie who was sliding to save the ball and she swept my legs out from underneath me. By the end of my second game I was out of fuel. My speed dial went from rabbit to turtle.

On my drive home last night I just giggled. I can remember every instance that I have been injured because of sports in my life. The doctors and chiropractors always said, "take it easy. ice, heat, advil. stay off that ankle for a week. You're sesamoid bone is fractured (uhm, what the heck is that bone anyway?!) blah blah blah." Do you think I listened?! Absolutely not. I've always been fast paced--what can I do to get moving again type of attitude. I have beat my body up for quite some time, all because I couldn't bear the thought of not running in a race or playing a soccer game...I just kept going. The doctors would laugh when I'd visit again and say, "wow, anne you're a workhorse, you just don't stop do you?!" but they never once said, "you really need to listen to us and do as your told." I can't really expect them too either---They don't know how inured I really am if I am not giving them all the information.

After I had my laugh, I began to realize that for 26 years I have been wearing this invisible cape. Life can't touch me--I am unstoppable. As the years fly by, my cape has been getting caught, pulled and torn and now some of my invisibility is gone. my vulnerability is showing--my injuries are lasting longer, I'm not as fast as I was, my endurance is crap, and my foot can't kick the ball like it used to. Kids, I'm normal and human---I apparently just got that memo last night.

Maybe it was cockiness or self serving to think that I would just be untouchable forever. Heck maybe if I actually took care of my body and gave it time to heal after all those injuries I would feel like a 26 year old trapped in a 70 year olds body. But that isn't a fair comparision either--there are some 70 year olds that could run circles around me.

I don't like these realizations. Ok, I lied. Its apart of my life, it's apart my the growing process I suppose. I just don't like the fact that I indeed was wrong. If you know me, or met you, you know that I think I am right at all times.

Growing up is awesome--I have a great husband and amazing kid because of my ability to mature and age. However, the growing pains (literally, in this sense) sucks. So, what is a girl to do? Do I quit sports all together? Probably wouldn't be the wisest thing to do now would it? I guess I need to realize that my cape is shredding away from my body and my invisibility is no more. I need to actually listen to my body and rest when I need to rest. After all I plan on running and playing soccer until my feet fall off--I'd just rather they fall off 50 years from now instead of 15 years from now!

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