My apologies for not writing in over a week...highly uncharacteristic of me. However, there have been attempts. Every night I'd begin to blog and as quick as I'd type, my finger would hit delete. I just don't think there has been anything note worthy that has happened the last few weeks. Honestly, my life isn't noteworthy--maybe that is why I find it to be so charming.
But enough is enough. Tonight, I promise to not delete a single thought. So I present to you a hodge podge or thoughts--just like the yummy leftovers mom would try and spruce up--a last ditch effort. This is my final attempt at capturing what I've been feeling the last few weeks (ok, ok, days--my memory is so sketchy that I'll only recall very little bits).
I'll start with the most recent and work my way back as far as I can remember (sorry, it's the way my brain works...so get ready for time warp!)
Tonight was a very special night for me. It started off as it typically does--Deacon got changed into his cute little shamrock boxers and "respect mother earth" tee-shirt for me. He is already loving the mismatched pajama look, rather than the set...yay for me because that means I save money! Ok so after PJ time, we watch a little TV, then books, then prayer books, then prayers, then bed. It's a long routine, but any parent (scratch that, most parents) will tell you that bedtime is sacred. Doug and I lucked out with a kid who is a great sleeper. He also knows how to fall asleep on his own--so for us, it's a pleasure to put him to bed (most nights). So we were in step 5 of the 6 step process. We were saying prayers while rocking back in forth in our comfy rocking chair, or "tumfee" rocking chair as Deacon pronounces so confidently. Anyway his sweet little body laid against mine with his head placed perfectly in my shoulder/neck area (I think God specially designed that nook for parents!) and just as we were saying "Thank you for taking care of us today , please take care of us tonight, goodnight my sweet Jesus." Deacon looks up, points to a picture of Jesus in his room (holding a child) and says, "MOMMY! THAT'S ME! That's Jesus hugging me." I looked closer and realized, that holy cow, the child in the drawing does resemble Deacon quite a bit, so I agreed and said, "you're right Deacon, he is hugging you." Then he preceded to saying the following, "He loves me A LOT...he is nice to me, he is not a monster!"
Thanks for laugh Deacon...not a monster--my silly little 3-year-old. But along with the humor my son unknowingly has, he also carries such wisdom. I think sometimes we all need a picture vividly painted for us with Jesus embracing us--the real us. Too often we forget that he is there, why he is there and that we need to take up our cross and follow him. My son reminded me of Jesus' presence tonight. He never strays and is always there, holding us tight.
If one moment of tears weren't enough, Deacon did a double whammy on me tonight. We were saying out "Goodnights" and he asked if I could sing him his song (there are two songs I sing, Let it Show by Jen Chapin and Godspeed by the Dixie Chicks) so because he asked so sweetly I sang both! Deacon knows the songs better than me, so he has begun singing along with me. I don't know what it was tonight, but watching his sweet little eyes lock into mine as we were singing our flawed, yet oh so perfect duet, I cried. I teared up so much when Deacon sang a line all by himself because my tears were impacting my ability to sing. He sang, "God bless mommy and matchbox cars, God bless dad and thanks for the stars, God hears amen where ever we are, and I love you..." WATER WORKS! in his solo and my moment of sheer joy and reconfirming moment that I said a prayer that I hope Deacon knows HOW much I love him.
He has no idea. I had NO idea how much my parents loved me until I had a child of my own--I am having a hard time articulating the amount of love I have for my son--mind boggling actually. This is probably why I get so giddy when my friends/family members are about to have their first child--because they honestly have NO IDEA what they are in for. It is also why my heart breaks when my friends/family are faced with infertility. It is in those moments that I pray that they may be able to feel and understand that love in their life. This is why I cry at every.single.wedding. since my own wedding---because you just know the journey that is about to be taken--and that too, is a love that is indescribable!
Which leads me perfectly into my next subject. My friend/co-worker is weeks away from having her first child. The name and the sex will be a complete surprise until the little one makes its entrance into the world. I had the privilege to photograph Witni and her husband and I can't help but share some of their hottness with you:
Doesn't she just ooze love?! She is going to be an amazing mother!
wanting a closeup of her adorable pregnant belly--check it out!
Here is one of my favorites of the two of them
I love Eric's expression in this shot...like he is just in total awe of his wife
Witni's side of the family are big racing enthusiasts, and I don't mean race cars! She is a true Kentucky girl and had to wear her Derby hat--
I could not be happier and can't wait for them to meet their miracle in the next few weeks. These are two of the most wonderful people I have ever met and to know that they are going to finally be parents makes my heart so happy. Witni knows that I've been longing to be pregnant again so she has so selflessly let me almost live vicariously through her. We'll be sitting in our small team meeting and then all of a sudden she'll say "ANNE" and I know that the little one is kicking and twirling and I immediately place my hands on her belly. Feeling a baby move and kick is one of the most peaceful moments in life--almost like God saying, "see, I do exist."
I could go on and speak more about random happenings but I think I'll just let you stew about that quotations just as I have begun to do the same. "I do exist". How does God exist in my life and how so I show off that existence? How have I failed to show God's love to others and what can I do to make sure that my actions are reflections of love unto others? I ask that God pour into me his plan, and reveal it through instruments of grace.