30 in 30: My handsome chili slinger

This is the sixteenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

I hope to not go all Hallmark Card on everyone, but now is your warning. Mushy love post ahead. Also, Some of you don't know how Doug and I met or even began dating, so I am going to quickly go through the early years :)

I was just a teeny tiny 17-year-old when I met Doug for the first time. He was a manager at your friendly neighborhood Skyline Chili and he was my sister's boss. I would go in occasionally to visit with her, but always found myself striking up a conversation with Doug too. After a few months of this, I found myself staying longer at Skyline, and when my sister would finish up her work and head home, I stayed, loitering the chili parlor. I'm a big risk taker, you know! I couldn't bare to leave, Doug was such a sweet guy and he was unlike any guy I have ever met.

Our relationship began as a friendship. He would take me out on friend dates and we would often make midnight trips to Meijer (too crazy to handle, right?!) I think we just began finding stuff to pass them time because we didn't want to have to say goodbye. But we both convinced ourselves that a relationship further than friendship wouldn't work. He was interested in someone else, and I was heading to college.

 Fast forward...

Towards the end of the summer we decided that we both wanted to see what would happened if we did try to date. We crammed in as many dates as we could before I left for WKU and when the time came for me to pack up and head school it was very bittersweet moment. I had empty pages that were waiting to be written, but staying behind was a life I already knew and was comfortable with. Doug was also staying behind, too so that added to the discomfort. "Was I falling for this guy?!"

I did fall for the guy and I really began to understand what love really was. As much as I disliked WKU, I am thankful for the experience. If Doug and I weren't challenged with trying to get through a long distance relationship from the beginning, I don't know if we would have been able to stay together. Let's break it down: I was 18 and really had NO what a relationship was. Plus, there is an age gap of nine years, so we were operating on two totally different life experiences. Also, I didn't really know how to communicate in a relationship, so being away at school basically forced us into conversations and as a result, we really honed in on getting to know one another. WKU wasn't the school for me, so I transferred to NKU and it was great to be closer to home, near my family and also near Doug.

Fast forward again....

We got engaged in 2004 and were married in 2006. I could talk for days about the engagement, because there is quite a hilarious back story. What I will say is that there was a miscommunication between Doug and my dad, so Doug was going to put my engagement ring in a safe deposit box at the bank until he was "allowed" to propose to me. How adorable is that?! He might not have been able to propose to me the way he wanted to, but he came up with an amazing "Plan B" and his proposal was so sweet and genuine--it was perfect.

On the day of our wedding, I looked down the aisle and thought that the love I had for Doug was at its highest point. Silly, silly girl I was. I am so glad I don't love Doug the way I did on the day of our wedding, because I love him 50 times that amount. 

The first look!

Aug. 4, 2006

I get to spend a lifetime being silly with this fella

During the past seven years Doug and I have worked really hard at our relationship and I know we still have a long way to go! What we figured out is that love is merely a feeling, and it only has the power that we give it. We have to feed our feeling of love through action, kindness, patience and care. That is what I am thankful for; that Doug and I marry each other today and every day. 

 I am thankful that Doug made a lifelong promise with me that we would get each other to heaven, that we would work together to make ourselves better people and show the world what selfless love is. 

My marriage with Doug is not perfect, believe me! I can be terribly mean to him—very selfish, and my patience—well, scratch that—I do not have any patience. Doug can be stubborn and internalizes everything until he boils over. Yet, because of our promise we made, we can get through “for worse” part of our vows. Plus, the weaknesses we do have are balanced out by one another's strengths.

I am amazed by Doug's kindness, patience, spirit and strength. I am humbled by his compassion and dedication to our family. I learn how to be gentler and more kind by the way he holds strong onto his beliefs, the way he speaks and how he really is love in action. I am blessed to be in a partnership that allows me to trust, share and confide. I am grateful for the ways we are different and feel united in the ways we are the same. I am honored to live a simple life and feeling happy in the togetherness of one another, instead of material possessions. 

Watching him grow into fatherhood has made me fall even more in love with him. I love how involved he is with our children and the memories he makes with our children will stay with me always. My heart melts into a puddle when I creep up the stairs only to hear Doug and the two boys saying prays before bed and reading books--it's magical, really.

Finally, I am most thankful for his unending, never failing love and I can only hope that I give half of that love back to him.

 

30 in 30: Flying Pig Half Marathon

This is the fifteenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.


I ran the Flying Pig Half Marathon in May 2009 and it's hard to imagine that such a powerful life moment happened five years ago! I'm not sure when I decided to start training for the pig, but I do know that my sister Kathy inspired me to pick up running again. I had a big pause in the sport after I had my first child and if it wasn't for my sister who became passionate about running, I'm not so sure that I would have run again.

Anyway, she had run the half marathon the year prior and as she was gearing up for training the following year, I got the crazy idea that I wanted to do it to. We promised to train together when we could-this might have been the biggest draw to me wanting to run. I'm a sucker when it comes to family and knowing that I could carve out some special sister bonding with my older sis made me want to commit to running.

So that's the first thing I am thankful for; the time I was able to spend with my sister. It was our time that we got to spend together, our thing we were able to chat about on the way to work and our motivation to keep going. Since I am the "caboose" of the family by 10 years, I had always struggled finding my place. I always saw my older siblings act like they were more friends, while I felt like the "little sister" As I grew older, I was able to find my place among my siblings and have friendship with them.

I'm also grateful for the discipline I learned while training for the half. Before my training, I could decide to run a 10K and do it with very little training. If I wanted to have a successful half, that "last minute mindset" would have to change. I had to ensure that I was running a certain amount of mileage a week and I had to prepare for longer runs. This was tough while also juggling a family and a full-time job, but I came out on the other end alive, so I consider this a huge success!

The half-marathon also helped me appreciate my body. I won't go into the dirty details, but any woman will tell you that once you have children there are just some things that don't go back together again like they once did. For a long time I felt like I was trapped in a body that didn't belong to me. As I began to train, it wasn't that I saw my body change back to before I had a child, but I saw that my body was capable of a lot more than I thought. The fact that I carried my body 13.1 miles is incredible. I carried it from downtown through walnut hills and back into the city, that is a feat that anyone should be proud of! My sister told me to remember how awesome it was that my body did that and as soon as I got to Walnut Hills I remembered how far I have already traveled and I cried during the race. Running is emotional...truly. The half wasn't the only race I cried during--it's a beautiful moment to realize that nothing else got your through the race except for your body and your spirit.

I am also thankful for learning a valuable lesson during the race: proper clothing is ESSENTIAL to running a long distance race. I ran in standard running shorts. I tested them out on a nine-mile run and had no issues. However, on mile seven on the half the chaffing began. Again, no dirty details need to be shared, but what I learned is that friction SUCKS and a girl with soccer legs (me) will ALWAYS have to wear spandex under her running shorts. :)

The sense of accomplishment I felt after the race, might be my proudest moment. I am a competitive person by nature, and as a result I seem to beat myself up over the most ridiculous things. I tell myself over again, "You can do better-you aren't good enough." It was different the day of the half. Did I make the time I wanted? Not at all. Did I probably aim to high? absolutely. But when I crossed the finish line, I felt so proud. There are hundreds of thousands of people in the Greater Cincinnati area, and I as just one of several thousand who came out and kicked some major half marathon butt. I set out to accomplish a goal and I achieved it--it was such an amazing feeling. A friend of mine just recently said that the feeling of crossing the finish line should be bottled up and sold--I couldn't agree with her more!

This might not have been a significant moment in history, but all the little moments of gratitude and lessons learned leading up to this race, make it one I am definitely thankful for.

30 in 30: Forgiveness

This is the fourteenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I am thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

  

I think many of us are familiar with the saying, "I'll forgive, but I won't forget." I'm not sure what purpose the sentence is trying serve. Just take a look at the word "but." When you see that word, everything that comes before it is just filler. When I hear or read that sentence, what I am really hearing or reading is, "I'm telling you I am forgiving you because that's what I'm supposed to do. The real truth is that I am really not forgiving you." Because you are saying you won't forget what was done, you are actually letting them in on your dirty secret, you are just providing them lip service and you are buying yourself time to heal a bit more.

Of course you won't forget what may have happen or words that were said that upset you, just as you won't ever forget the good times in your life, so I'm not saying that the "won't forget" part isn't valid. I do think it's important to always remember defining moments in your life. Unfortunately-pain and hurt caused by others can be those moments. Instead of looking back at that moment with bitterness (as the phrase suggests), we should be looking at it with grace and seeing it for what it is; a learning moment.

We are really doing ourselves a disservice by not fully forgiving those who have hurt us, because at the end of the day, it's us who feel burdened or weighed down by not forgiving others. It may be years before we realize that our inability to forgive is actually hardening our spirit. 

The act of forgiveness is one of the hardest life lessons I have learned, but I am grateful that I learned it earlier in my life, because I no longer am weighed down by it.

I have learned that there are two sides to forgiveness. The first is when WE are the ones asking for it, and the second is when we are asked to GIVE it. Which one is tougher? IT's a trick question because they are both hard. Forgiving others is probably the most selfless act you can and it shows the person that you still love and care for them.  This is tough when the world around us tells us that we should hold a grudge and kick that person to the curb.

I was hurt pretty badly in high school by someone I gave my heart to and as a result I was left with some adult-sized issues to live with. It's not uncommon to go through a nasty breakup in high school, but I also know it definitely wasn't common to be treated the way I was.

*I'll insert a tangent here. every time you date someone new, you are giving them a piece of you away. So, yeah, breakups at any age are tough.

Anyway, it took several years for me to work through the heartache and the void I didn't think could ever be filled. During this time, the two of us were not on speaking terms, so the very thought of forgiving him hadn't even crossed my mind.

Fast forward a few years to the wonderful world of Facebook, I was curious if he had a profile, and he did. So my nosey little but sent the friend request. I received a message from him asking if I could call him. I reluctantly called hoping he wouldn't answer, but there he was on the other end saying, "Hello, stranger."  In a nutshell, it began as any other cliché, old flame conversation.  Then, out of nowhere, yet perfectly cued from up above, the conversation took on a more somber tone. He admitted that the one of the things holding him back was the fact that our story had never completely finished. He dug up some old, hurt feelings and once exposed he told me how sorry he was. I told him that I forgave him.  Three words I never thought I would say, came out of my mouth so easily. It was then that I was freeing him from that guilt, but also freeing myself from the hurt and pain I had carried all those years. 

I did not know that phone conversation would be one of the most important conversations in my life.

We continued to keep tabs on each other and on May 27, 2006 I received this email:

“Dad and I are leaving for a 3 day motorcycle trip this morning.  Talk to you soon.”

Upon his return he wrote me back:

“1,268 miles in three days…through the mountains.  Did a stretch called the ‘tail of the dragon’ (twice) that consists of 318 turns in eleven miles.  WHAT A BLAST!  I found a new hobby that will certainly be the end of me.”

He sent that email at 7:08pm on Wednesday, May 30, 2006. The eery thing about the whole conversation, is later that night, he died in a motorcycle accident. 

Within a minute, a part of me was gone. The news of his death came as a shock to me, but I know that it would have been harder to handle had I not forgiven him—I know that my heart would have felt SO HEAVY.  How different my life would have been had the phone conversation never happened.

If there is just one person reading this who is struggling with forgiving someone, whether it be a friend, family member or a significant other, I hope this helps them realize that forgiveness is a gift that everyone should be able to receive.

Even after all those years, it is still a struggle to forgive and I do believe there is a process involved, but I carry the experience I just shared as a reminder that our lives are temporary and in a matter of seconds it can all be over. Why carry the guilt, pain and loss? If we knew the secret to getting rid of all that crummy, don't you think we'd use it immediately? Well, the secret is out.

Forgiveness, you have softened my heart, opened my eyes and repaired my soul and for that, I am grateful.

 

30 in 30: Coworkers

This is the thirteenth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

I think I might actually let the pictures do most of the talking for this post!

I began my "big girl job" straight out of college. I always joke that they felt bad for me because I was a broke kid, who just graduated, got married and quickly became pregnant, so they hired me out of sympathy.

Okay, so that might now have been entirely true, but it sure does generate a few laughs.

I am so thankful for my co-workers and for the many laughs we've shared. They make going to work worth it. Let's face it, working in a public utility can be pretty crappy (wastewater pun totally intended) so it's nice to be surrounded by people who can plunge into work with you. Again, pun intended ;)

Since I began working there at the tender age of 22, It is safe to say that I have basically grown up there. For every amazing thing I accomplished at work, there is a stupid thing I've done too--it's all apart of growing into your career, I guess! It was there I learned that I loved training, and organizational communication. I also honed in on my love of internal communication and have really found my niche.

But besides the work, my co-workers have really helped me grow into the career person I am today. I work with a group in insanely talented women, and we all play off our strengths incredibly well. I seek guidance on project management from the ones who have spreadsheet brains, while the others know that if they need a good brain stormer, all they have to do is call me into a meeting and I start spitting out ideas at a rapid fire pace. We also face our challenges or disagreements on how things should be handled. We also have differences in a opinion. I suppose this is found in every workplace. The difference with the group I work with is that we know that discomfort is necessary in order to improve and become better.

I am grateful for the opportunities I have received while working at SD1 and continue to cherish the career I am building namely because of the people who are helping me build it. It's hard to even call them coworkers since they become more like family with each passing day.

This is totally normal, right?! Halloween 2013

We celebrate weddings together

Our friend was gifted a horse, so it's only natural to celebrate with cake!

Happy hour is best when served with cold beer and great co-workers!

Who spends their Saturday night with their colleagues?! This girl does!

Just another night on the town!

Work hard, play hard!

Only your cherished co-workers will take your pictures as your pregnant self pretends to dive into a creek.

HR challenged each department to decorate for the holidays. I'll give you one guess who won.
(For the record: this was done on our breaks!!!)

We are so awesome, we are even artwork! Photo credit: Becky Haltermon

They show you how wastewater can be photogenic :)

They photobomb

They volunteer together

They dress alike on accident!

They always remind you how important you are

They choose not to be sad about having to say goodbye.

They craft together for their holiday party

This might be the most important thing I'm thankful for: coworkers teach you that
heating pads will save your life in a FREEZING office

30 in 30: Priests

This is the twelfth article in my 30 in 30 challenge, where I write 30 things I'm thankful for in the 30 days leading up to my thirtieth birthday.

Growing up Catholic and going through 12 years of catholic school, I guess it's to expected that priests would make the 30 in 30 list. However, For so long, I felt like I could not relate to their life's work. If I was able to tell my teenage self that my almost-thirty-year-old-self would even write this post, I would get laughed at! But as I have grown older, I have begun to realize that I truly have a deep appreciation for the men who make such a commitment to live their life strictly for God. And even though I may feel that they might be holier than me, the truth is that they are human, just like the rest of me and you! I have also realized that they really are woven into the fabric of my life, and it would be silly of me to forget or not even recognize the impact they have had on my up bringing.

One thing I am thankful for is that the priests I know are incredible instruments of faith and goodness. It is through their devotion to God and following in the footsteps of Christ, I saw how they hold important roles in how our faith is built. I was baptized by them, I receive the Eucharist from them and they hear the depths of my sorrows through the sacrament of reconciliation--they are indeed, a major part of who I am as a person!

While I am grateful for all of the priests that have helped shape my faith over the years, there are a few I'd like to specifically call attention to. When I was nine or so, I shot out of bed screaming in fear. I had the overwhelming feelings of death. A nine year old certainly does not know how to cope with that and the only thing I knew to do was call for my parents. My mom tried her best to calm me, but I am sure she felt helpless watching me pace the kitchen rambling off my fears of eternity and dying. My mom was a little unsure of what to do, so she did the only thing she knew and called our parish priest. Maybe this is funny for some of you reading, but this is just they way our family operated. We knew that if we were in trouble, the best thing was to call for a spiritual bail out from the priest! Anyway, Fr. Murphy came to my aid when I was dealing with my intense fears of death. He came into my home and we sat down on the fancy furniture. My mom held my hand and this man who I only knew from standing at the pulpit every Sunday sat across from me, and got on my level. He just simply asked me to explain what I was feeling. He told me that eternity is like counting the drops in the ocean; it’s unmeasurable, but we know that there is an ocean, even though we can’t count the drops. This is just like eternity and heaven; even though we can’t see it or measure it, we know it is there because of our faith. He took a very scary thing in my life and turned it into something that I could handle. It was also lucky that I think in metaphors, so this explanation struck me in a very special way. :)

In my adult life, I have come to appreciate the priesthood because of Fr. Sterling of St. Barbara Parish. The parish has always been on fire with faith, but he has taken that momentum to help continue to build up a church full of love, community and selfless giving. Each his homilies challenge me to be a better Christian every day. The best challenge he gave all of us was when he took the time to explain the different parts of the Mass. As a result, the homily was condensed, but that didn't stop him from making a powerful statement at the end of Mass. He said that it is so sad to hear the excuse of why people stop attending church or leave the faith altogether. I think all Catholics have said it, heck--maybe anyone who practices a faith may have said the similar phrase of, "I just don't get anything out of it." He then said that he knows it's hard to concentrate on church, especially when there are so many formalities but the thing that struck me most was when he said, "Maybe you are thinking about it all wrong. Instead of waiting to get something out of it, you should be putting something in to it." He continued to say that if you just give a bit of yourself to the Mass, that you would indeed feel spiritually fulfilled. He was absolutely right. That lit a fire in my heart to begin to search and deepen my faith and to be an active participant. Just as if I want to lost five pounds, I can't just sit and wait for it to fall off my body..I have to exercise and eat better. My faith is the same way...I can't just wait for it to fill me, I have to go in search of it. That might have been one of the most important things I have heard in my life and it absolutely changed my outlook on many different things!

Go ahead, sing the Circle of Life from The Lion King. It's okay, we all did!

Fr. Sterling baptizing Cohen

I am also thankful for Fr. Wigger, because he was the priest who married Doug and me. Before we got married, we had several sit down conversations with him. This is a requirement in order to be married in the Church. I first thought it was ridiculous..what does a priest know about marriage, anyway. After a few sessions with him, I realized that he really did know what he was talking about! :) He might not ever have the opportunity to get married, but he did know that to have anything remain strong, God needed to be apart of that. 

So, on the day of our wedding, Fr. Wigger presented Doug and me with a candle that burned three flames. He explained that two of the flames represented Doug and me and the third represented God. He told us that if we kept God in our marriage, it would last forever - the flame would never die.That candle gets lit every year at our anniversary to serve as a beautiful reminder to what Fr. Wigger knew all along - that God is very much apart of our relationship and a big reason why we can get through the "for worse" part of our vows.

It would be silly of me to forget the beauty and dedication of Fr. Sterling, Fr Murphy, Fr. Wigger and other priests who helped build my faith. I am the person I am today because of the guidance they gave as I was a child, the support they shared when beginning new phases in life and the encouragement to continue to learn and discover my faith in my adult life.